I have done lots of thinking over the last few days, funny what thinking you might have cancer will do to you. Sadly I have not come up with all of the answers for all of the woes of the world, but I have come up with some for me.
I am determined more than ever now that I need to change my life. I need to lose weight, I need to become fitter, I need to put myself as a priority.
This last one flies in the face of all that I ever believed being a good mother was. I always had this idea that my kids must come first in all things, and that I could do with second best as long as they were happy. But you know what? It just is not working for me. I feel so drained of whatever it was that made me, ME.
It is like the best of me is gone, it has all been invested into my kids, and because it has not been topped up in me, I am empty. So now I am becoming the worst kind of parent, I am apathetic, I am disinterested, I feel guilty all the time that I dont give them the attention they deserve.
So that is the problem. What is the solution you ask? Well I am not entirely sure to be honest, but baby steps will be involved, and putting myself first will feature heavily in the plan.
This week the first baby step is that I will go for my walk each day, even if it is only for fifteen minutes, and everyone else in the house can just wait for that fifteen to thirty minutes before having their needs seen to, and I will not feel guilty about it! :-)