Well I am officially still at 77kg, which is where I was when I started my re start program over a month ago. So I have not gotten very far with my weight loss. On other aspects of life in general I have been working more often, which has been great, I always wanted to be a stay at home mum, but the reality of it is just not what I envisioned. I never thought I would find it so boring. There are moments which are fantastic, and I love that. But at other times I just long to have something a little more challenging or rewarding.
I am sure that anyone who is forced to return to work after having children finds a comment like the last one distasteful, as I probably would have if the shoe was on the other foot, but for me lately it is true. My youngest is about to turn four, and is quite self sufficient and able to entertain herself quite adequately without even resorting to TV. I know that motherhood is supposed to be the most rewarding job on the planet, but it is not always true. There are moments of true joy, moments of sheer exhiliration even, but more often there are moments of despair, how will I ever mould these little people into worthwhile human beings with all my human failings, and there are those moments when you wonder, why do I even bother?
This is made worse by being partnered with a fairly unsupportive mate. He thinks all things to do with child rearing that are sort of distasteful are my responsibility. He also thinks my life is so cushy, and that I sit around all day entertaining myself. Well I do a bit only because the boredom would kill me otherwise... Last Friday we had a child free evening, so went out for dinner together, he managed to make me feel really good by telling me that he appreciates so much what I do, and knows that he could never do it as well as I do (ie looking after the sproglets), then he starts going on at me about all of my past failures, about how I dont do enought with my "talents" God knows which ones he is referring to, to make money or improve my lot in life.
He does not understand, and never has, that there are a few little issues for me. 1. Confidence - I dont feel that I can do it, I dont feel I have the knowledge or the contacts to do it. 2. TIME - when the hell am I supposed to do it??? Six hours of my day I have three children underfoot, six hours I have one, he does nothing around the house to help out, so all household stuff gets done by me or not at all, and some days I am just too tired to make any huge forays into becoming a self made millionaire.
So anyway there is just a part of my bitch about HIM. He is also giving me grief all of a sudden about the work I do. Currently I do about one day a fortnight clerical duties for my boss, which involves going to his home office to invoice and pay bills and other general office duties. The rest of the time I work from home transcribing interviews (we do mostly medico legal investigations). As the year progresses I hope to be doing more clerical stuff as well as continuing the transcribing. Now it is not brain surgery, doesnt require too much effort, but the pay is OK and I can take my four year old with me to work so I am not paying for childcare yet. Next year I will work three days a week while she is in preschool, so there will be a little bit of money coming out of my wages there, but then she is in school so all my earnings are used for the good of the family (and the good of my wardrobe too LOL). So as far as I can see I currently have the dream job, work around my kids and not pay childcare, my sisters would kill for this kind of job, so why is he so negative.
He needs to take a chill pill. And so do I now, enough of my rant, I feel strangely better now. :-))