Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Brief update

Not much time to post, but I wanted to check back in and give you a brief summary of my visit to the kinesiologist (Soozie). Wow she was fantastic, and it was fantastic. It became pretty clear pretty early on that I have issues with control (and not the Maxwell Smart kind). I feel like I have been under someone elses control for so much of my life, and the very few times I have taken control of my life, I have been ridiculed or put down for the choices I made.

And it wasn't because these choices were bad, they just didn't fit in with the image of me that the people around me had, it made them uncomfortable that I wasn't being reliable, predictable Joc, and I wasn't just bowing to their wishes, and taking their advice, and making them feel better about themselves in the process.... OMG catch a whiff of resentment in my words there anyone?

I have spent so much of my life trying to fit into other peoples expectations of me, that I have barely taken time to work out who I want me to be. For the past 12 months these thoughts have been simmering in my brain, the name of this blog kind of points to that, but meeting with Soozie on Monday, I found myself imaging myself as I would like to be. And I like me. I know there will be some people, mostly people from my past, who wont like me, but their opinions are becoming less and less relevant to me these days.

Each of my spikes in weight gain/loss activity have been as a result of my feeling controlled by other people or circumstances or opinions other than those of my choosing.

I have so much more I would like to say on this subject, so I will be back with another post soon when I have more time. Thanks to everyone who has commented on the pantry bingeing, I feel so much more normal knowing that other people share this problem. I have taken on everyones thoughts on this to consider.

More soon xxx


Zanna, travelling tart, back in Oz said...

Sounds like there's a few revelations happening for you - well done for pursuing the person you are and want to be. As you say there might be a few rocks strewn in your path but just you step over them in your journey to yourself. Watching your transformation with a huge smile of encouragement.

Ashwee said...

Thanks for opening up the pantry bingeing can of worms! I haven't stopped thinking about it since beckie's post.


Lynne said...

Awesome post! I think it's wonderful to imagine the person that you want to be and then to be bold enough to start on the road to becoming her! It's exhillarating and intimidating all at once but it's an incredible part of life to realize that we have the ability to become anyone we want to be if we so choose. Good luck joc, and I totally am here to support you!