Monday, April 10, 2006

Fearful moments...

It never ceases to amaze me the number of times I read someone's blog and find they are struggling with the same kinds of things as me, and I thought I was such an individual ;-P.

Take for example this from Dietgirl talking about epiphanies. I especially like this comment;

"There is no Great Moment - just a moment when you start doing something about it"

It sounds so simple, so why is it so hard to recognize it and just do it. Then I read about Miss Mia becoming fearless here, both of these things, moments and fearlessness are things I have been struggling with, and then starting to overcome in the last six months.

I realise that it is only in fairytales or movies where the music swells, all eyes in the room connect and a great revelation is brought forth. In real life you are usually elbow deep in dishes, a child screaming in the background, and the TV blaring when a tiny thought slips though your brain. Months later you remember that thought and think about it some more. Half a year later it again butts against your consciousness. Twelve months later a plan starts forming, but you tell yourself "I could never do that" only people who are "smarter" "more committed" "richer" "thinner" "prettier", insert your own word here you get the picture.

This is where the fearlessness comes in for me. I had a small idea, the idea grew, it started to intrude on my thoughts all the time, I started to dream it - imagine its reality, I started to get excited about it - then the fear came in and stomped all over it and sent it away again.

But you know what? I still think it is a good idea, and I think other people think it is a good idea. If only I wasn't so afraid of what might happen, if only I could get my act together.

I am sick of being afraid too. I have taken steps, I have reached that moment where I am starting do something about it. I'm almost to the stage where I am ready to go with this idea, now I just need to find the courage of my convictions, so if any of you see them hanging around on the corner, tell them I need them back here at home and send them back to me.

On a good note physically, I am back at the gym three times a week. My knee is showing dramatic improvements, I don't believe the ortho surgeon thought it would ever improve to the state it is in now, and I still think there is more improving to be done. I actually ran for two minutes on the treadmill on Friday (yes it nearly killed me) but it didn't hurt my knee, only my lungs :-)) I feel so much better knowing that I can start again with my fitness, which will then kick some weight loss into gear. I am working on fitness first this time, rather than worrying about the scales, and I feel so much better about this.


Manda said...

You'll do good. I have no doubt about it :)

Enjoy your holiday!

Brandi said...

Haven't had much chance to come here lately and work on catching up, but this I read on just the perfect day! Utterly inspiring, and thanks so much for posting it, though it was so very long ago that you couldn't possibly have known I'd stumble upon it from halfway around the globe, LOL ...