Well I have done it, I am back on the po1nts again. Three days in and things are going very smoothly. Mind you I have been here so many times it should go smoothly, I should be able to do it in my sleep! As always it is so easy when you first start, and the motivation is running high so it does not seem too hard to get out the tracker and the po1nts counter and make lists about what I eat. I know from experience though that this does not last for long with me.
Most times in the past when I have tracked my po1nts I have been really dedicated for the first three or four weeks, although by week four I am no longer tracking the weekends, then after that I will miss days here and there and just try to remember later what I ate. This works for me for about six to eight weeks, then the weight loss stalls or stops, I get discouraged and everthing turns to crap. I know the system works, the thing that does not work is me.
I have long had a problem with finishing things. I start heaps of projects, but never seem to finish anything much. The things that I do finish usually get done in a rush at the last minute, like assignments, or birthday/Christmas projects - will someone please remind me that homemade Christmas cards are never going to happen in my house and the time and energy I put in to creating them will be more than balanced out by the time and energy put into repressing the frustration I feel when they are not looking just perfect, and it is the day before Christmas as they go into the post!
Mia wrote a great post about being a perfectionist, and how she never saw herself as one because, well look in the mirror, how can that person with the unstyled hair and smudged makeup and messy house be a perfectionist? Well I get that completely, because that is me in many ways too. I learned a lot about myself after immersing myself in the Flylady site, I learned that a perfectionist does not always look like we perfectionist think they do. The biggest perfectionist giveaway for me is the procrastination - I put things off because I know I want them done a certain way, I have a certain image of how they should be, but I also dont know how to make them that way, or dont want to fail in my attempts to make them that way. This leads to putting things off, and either never doing them, or doing a last minute rush job that is totaly disappointing to me in its entirety. I also find that once I am on the home straight with a task, it is never as hard as I thought it would be, then I beat myself up about procrastinating for so long before starting.
The whole weight loss thing for me has been similar. I put it off until I am crying with frustration at being so fat. I fuss and fart around with ideas about this program, or this pill or whatever, but deep down inside I KNOW that eating right and exercising are the only ways to do it. And I put it off a bit longer thinking it is going to be so hard... then I start, things are going smoothly and I think this is not so bad, then I loose some weight, get complacent, or bored, or impatient or (insert other appropriate word, you know we have all done it...), stop doing what I should and bam - the fat comes back.
Then I spend the next few months going through it all again - what is with that? Then I beat myself up about the previous failures, I say to myself if I only stuck with it last spring when I started, I would now be at my goal weight, wearing clothes that fit nicely, running regularly, feeling fit and healthy and happy.
So sometimes I ask my self what is the point?
The point is... I am 38, I have three kids, one DH, and my life is probably half lived. That means there is still a half to go and given that I have not done that much with the first half, I want the second half to mean something. I want my kids to grow up thinking I am someone special (aside from being their mother of course) I want to be around to see them grow up, to see my grandchildren (if I get any) to travel with DH. I want to live a long and healthy life, and die knowing I lived life, instead of sat on my backside watching life go by. And most of all I dont want to lose this weight when I am really old then look back and regret all of the other things I could have had if only I had not procrastinated about it for so long, and if only I had stuck with it and finished it when I was 38.
The first step - count the po1nts.
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Physio
I had my first physiotherapy appointment today, and I was kind of dreading it, but... it was great. My physio Tony is brilliant, he went through and showed me a model of a knee and what was going on inside, he assured me that I am not going to do more damage now, even if it hurts a little, he went through everything. I was really impressed with him.
Best of all by the time I finished I was walking much better, and have now got much more flexibility in my knee. He has given me a few exercises to practice to build up the strength in my legs further before I have my surgery and I am determined to do them as often as I can.
On the down side he said it will probably be about six months before I will be back to karate, but on the plus side he says there is no reason not to go back. He quoted a few instances of people who have successfully returned to their sport of choice following surgery and therapy, and they were full contact sportspeople, so given karate is technically a non contact sport the odds are good.
All in all I was really happy with the appointment and with Tony. So next week I have my MRI, then back to see the surgeon to learn what happens next.
My eating for the last two days has been pretty good. At least until I get to tea time. I think I need to eat a little more during the day to stop me from feeling so ravenous at tea, so I am going to add some more fruit to my plan mid afternoon and see how that goes.
Best of all by the time I finished I was walking much better, and have now got much more flexibility in my knee. He has given me a few exercises to practice to build up the strength in my legs further before I have my surgery and I am determined to do them as often as I can.
On the down side he said it will probably be about six months before I will be back to karate, but on the plus side he says there is no reason not to go back. He quoted a few instances of people who have successfully returned to their sport of choice following surgery and therapy, and they were full contact sportspeople, so given karate is technically a non contact sport the odds are good.
All in all I was really happy with the appointment and with Tony. So next week I have my MRI, then back to see the surgeon to learn what happens next.
My eating for the last two days has been pretty good. At least until I get to tea time. I think I need to eat a little more during the day to stop me from feeling so ravenous at tea, so I am going to add some more fruit to my plan mid afternoon and see how that goes.
Saturday, November 5, 2005
Meal replacement?
I am thinking about using EasyS1im or OptiS1im or some other meal replacement thing for the next few weeks while I am still not able to exercise. I am spending so much time sitting on my behind these days that I am feeling like I am fatter even though I am not ... yet. So I thought the meal replacement thing might be a good way to keep the calories under control. I will probably only do it on the weekdays, and try and eat normal meals on the weekends as Brett hates those meal replacement things, and thinks I should not do them. Normally I would agree with him, but right now I am desperate, I just dont want to put on heaps of weight while I am waiting for my knee to heal. I also think if I lose a bit more weight it might put less strain on my knee while it is recovering.
Anyway something to think about for the next few days. I am so bored of being in this house anything that takes my mind of things for a while is exciting LOL.
Anyway something to think about for the next few days. I am so bored of being in this house anything that takes my mind of things for a while is exciting LOL.
Friday, November 4, 2005
Injury progress
Tomorrow is two weeks since the knee incident and I am still out of action. I can walk now, albeit very slowly, and I am using and old mans walking stick to get around, but it is heaps better than the crutches. So glad I am not having to use them anymore. Today was my first full pain killer free day YAY. I will probably still need to take something before bed as sleeping is still a little sore.
A visit to the orthapaedic surgeon on Wednesday (my birthday) revealed that it is more likely the anterior cruciate ligament than the medial, which needs surgery to be fixed. The surgeon has me going to the physiotherapist next week... not looking forward to the pain that will involve, then I am off for an MRI the following week, then back to see the surgeon for the verdict. His current view is that I will probably need an arthroscopy (sp?) to check out the damage and repair, yuck! The good thing is it is only day surgery, or one night in hospital, and I should be able to walk out afterwards. Lets hope that is the case anyway, I am not wanting to be on crutches again.
The worst thing about the ortho visit was that he stuck a huge needle in my leg to draw out the accumulated blood, he took out 65ml before I hit him LOL, I did not mean to hit him, it just all of a sudden really hurt and it was a reflex action. The first time he changed the vials over the blood just kept p0uring out and down my leg, he said it was under a lot of pressure. Luckily he was faily good humoured and didnt get upset about my reaction. Not the most wonderful birthday present I ever got...
I am frustrated at the time it is taking to get mobile again, I am sick of asking people to drive me places or pick up my kids or whatever, I just want to be able to do it all myself again. I am also furstrated at the delay in my karate training too. There is no way now that I will get to grading in December like I had hoped. It is probable that James and Jane will both grade then, but I will have to sit and watch. My husband is also making ominous noises about me returning to training full stop. He seems to think that I should not be going back, and that I should forget about karate all together. I am not happy about that at all. I am going to talk to the ortho and the physio and see what they recommend, if they say it is no go, well then that is the end of the story, if they say I am fine to go back to training, then I dont see why I shouldnt. I think there will be a bit of a fight about it at home though.
As for the whole weight loss thing, well it is just not happening right now. I really need to get my head around it or I will end up gaining due to the enforced rest that I am having right now. I have eaten my last family block of comfort chocolate to get me through this thing, I know that was a bad idea, but it is done and gone, and now I need to start eating more healthy food, and taking smaller portions until I can start exercising again. I never thought I would say this but I cant wait until I can run again.
A visit to the orthapaedic surgeon on Wednesday (my birthday) revealed that it is more likely the anterior cruciate ligament than the medial, which needs surgery to be fixed. The surgeon has me going to the physiotherapist next week... not looking forward to the pain that will involve, then I am off for an MRI the following week, then back to see the surgeon for the verdict. His current view is that I will probably need an arthroscopy (sp?) to check out the damage and repair, yuck! The good thing is it is only day surgery, or one night in hospital, and I should be able to walk out afterwards. Lets hope that is the case anyway, I am not wanting to be on crutches again.
The worst thing about the ortho visit was that he stuck a huge needle in my leg to draw out the accumulated blood, he took out 65ml before I hit him LOL, I did not mean to hit him, it just all of a sudden really hurt and it was a reflex action. The first time he changed the vials over the blood just kept p0uring out and down my leg, he said it was under a lot of pressure. Luckily he was faily good humoured and didnt get upset about my reaction. Not the most wonderful birthday present I ever got...
I am frustrated at the time it is taking to get mobile again, I am sick of asking people to drive me places or pick up my kids or whatever, I just want to be able to do it all myself again. I am also furstrated at the delay in my karate training too. There is no way now that I will get to grading in December like I had hoped. It is probable that James and Jane will both grade then, but I will have to sit and watch. My husband is also making ominous noises about me returning to training full stop. He seems to think that I should not be going back, and that I should forget about karate all together. I am not happy about that at all. I am going to talk to the ortho and the physio and see what they recommend, if they say it is no go, well then that is the end of the story, if they say I am fine to go back to training, then I dont see why I shouldnt. I think there will be a bit of a fight about it at home though.
As for the whole weight loss thing, well it is just not happening right now. I really need to get my head around it or I will end up gaining due to the enforced rest that I am having right now. I have eaten my last family block of comfort chocolate to get me through this thing, I know that was a bad idea, but it is done and gone, and now I need to start eating more healthy food, and taking smaller portions until I can start exercising again. I never thought I would say this but I cant wait until I can run again.
Monday, October 24, 2005
Ouch!
Today is my third day on crutches, and I am not happy. Saturday at Karate was having a great workout, really enjoying things when it happened...
Leg to the floor after a round kick, slightly off balance, weight onto the leg and CRACK. I wanted to scream the pain was so excrutiating. I managed to hold the screams in as both James and Jane were there and I did not want to upset them too much. As it was Jane was crying when she saw me on the floor holding my leg. Sensei asked if I was OK, then asked me to move to the side of the room so the class could continue... what the... so two of my friends helped me to the side of the room. Then I just sat on the floor gulping in air trying to focus on not throwing up. My friends were racing around trying to find a bag for me to be sick in, thankfully I managed to keep it down, because the bad they found wasn't up to much.
I can honestly say it was the worst pain I have ever felt. That is after labour and caesareans, cracked nipples, mastitis and all of that stuff (previously the mastitis topped it for me) each time I had to move my leg I felt like I would black out. Thankfully my friend Sophie was there to help, she organised the kids to be picked up by her husband and taken home, then she got me to the hospital and stayed with me while they did their thing there. The Emergency Ward was empty when we arrived, and all up it only took two and a half hours and we were heading home. The diagnosis, torn medial ligament. My knee is the size of a rockmelon and I am on crutches for a week at least. The first night at home was painful and I did not sleep well, I then spent most of Sunday on the lounge with my leg up, pain was slightly improved, and I slept slightly better the second night. The bigger kids are off to school today and a friend is picking up Joan to take her to playschool this afternoon so I dont have to worry about them for the rest of the day so I might be able to catch up on some sleep then.
Looks like I will be out of action for the whole week, then hopefully I will be able to start doing things again next week.
Not happy.
Leg to the floor after a round kick, slightly off balance, weight onto the leg and CRACK. I wanted to scream the pain was so excrutiating. I managed to hold the screams in as both James and Jane were there and I did not want to upset them too much. As it was Jane was crying when she saw me on the floor holding my leg. Sensei asked if I was OK, then asked me to move to the side of the room so the class could continue... what the... so two of my friends helped me to the side of the room. Then I just sat on the floor gulping in air trying to focus on not throwing up. My friends were racing around trying to find a bag for me to be sick in, thankfully I managed to keep it down, because the bad they found wasn't up to much.
I can honestly say it was the worst pain I have ever felt. That is after labour and caesareans, cracked nipples, mastitis and all of that stuff (previously the mastitis topped it for me) each time I had to move my leg I felt like I would black out. Thankfully my friend Sophie was there to help, she organised the kids to be picked up by her husband and taken home, then she got me to the hospital and stayed with me while they did their thing there. The Emergency Ward was empty when we arrived, and all up it only took two and a half hours and we were heading home. The diagnosis, torn medial ligament. My knee is the size of a rockmelon and I am on crutches for a week at least. The first night at home was painful and I did not sleep well, I then spent most of Sunday on the lounge with my leg up, pain was slightly improved, and I slept slightly better the second night. The bigger kids are off to school today and a friend is picking up Joan to take her to playschool this afternoon so I dont have to worry about them for the rest of the day so I might be able to catch up on some sleep then.
Looks like I will be out of action for the whole week, then hopefully I will be able to start doing things again next week.
Not happy.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
just does my head in
Well my whole weight loss effort has fallen flat... Two weeks ago a friend and I talked about losing 10kg before Christmas, personally I would have been happy to make it 8kg, and since then I have not been able to stop eating! The whole pschology of this just does my head in. I want to lose the weight, I agree on a plan, then I stuff it completely, and on what? things that I dont even really like that much. I have been in sugar overload, which we all know makes you feel like crap, and I cant seem to fill the empty pit inside me.
Today I started the day differently, instead of my usual muesli I had a tub of yoghurt and fruit, then a piece of fruit a little later. It is now 11.00am and I am not feeling hungry, YAY. I guess I will need to experiment a little and work out what is going to work for me these days.
On the exercise front things are looking OK, Saturday was 1.5hrs of Karate, Sunday we gardened for four hours (got the veggies in the ground) Monday I did pump, Tuesday 1 hr of Karate, and today I am getting my bike out, strapping Joan into the baby carrier (she is now 4 not a baby, but I can still sit her there) then riding to a friends house. Then we will walk to school to collect the older kids, walk back to her place, then I will ride home with Joan, and she will drop Jane and James over a little while later. This evening there is another 1 hr of Karate training. Tomorrow is pump again, then I just have to work out what I will do on Friday, to make an entire week of exercising daily.
Unfortunately I rolled my ankle at Karate two weeks ago, it turned purple, then yellow and swelled up like a tennis ball. The swelling has gone down a lot, and the bruising is fading, but it is still hurting, and painful to press on the ankle bone. I had wanted to start the C25K program again this week, but I might just give it a few more days and see how the ankle progresses.
Karate has been a bit slow lately, I dont feel like I have been progressing very much, I have spoken to some of the more experienced members in our training sessions, and they have all assured me that they have experienced the same kind of thing, at first it is all hard, then you suddenly get it, and it becomes easier, then you find out that what you GOT, you need now to change because it is not as simple as it was first taught to you as... what the...? I guess it is like anything, you start out and its hard, you get going and things are great, then you hit a plateau that you have to work your way through - so right now I think I am on the Karate plateau. The funny thing is when I hit a weight loss plateau I feel like giving up, in fact often I do, but this Karate plateau seems more like a phase that I have to go through, but I dont have the urge to give up, I am just more determined to train harder and get over it. If only I could work through the weight loss like it was karate.
Today I started the day differently, instead of my usual muesli I had a tub of yoghurt and fruit, then a piece of fruit a little later. It is now 11.00am and I am not feeling hungry, YAY. I guess I will need to experiment a little and work out what is going to work for me these days.
On the exercise front things are looking OK, Saturday was 1.5hrs of Karate, Sunday we gardened for four hours (got the veggies in the ground) Monday I did pump, Tuesday 1 hr of Karate, and today I am getting my bike out, strapping Joan into the baby carrier (she is now 4 not a baby, but I can still sit her there) then riding to a friends house. Then we will walk to school to collect the older kids, walk back to her place, then I will ride home with Joan, and she will drop Jane and James over a little while later. This evening there is another 1 hr of Karate training. Tomorrow is pump again, then I just have to work out what I will do on Friday, to make an entire week of exercising daily.
Unfortunately I rolled my ankle at Karate two weeks ago, it turned purple, then yellow and swelled up like a tennis ball. The swelling has gone down a lot, and the bruising is fading, but it is still hurting, and painful to press on the ankle bone. I had wanted to start the C25K program again this week, but I might just give it a few more days and see how the ankle progresses.
Karate has been a bit slow lately, I dont feel like I have been progressing very much, I have spoken to some of the more experienced members in our training sessions, and they have all assured me that they have experienced the same kind of thing, at first it is all hard, then you suddenly get it, and it becomes easier, then you find out that what you GOT, you need now to change because it is not as simple as it was first taught to you as... what the...? I guess it is like anything, you start out and its hard, you get going and things are great, then you hit a plateau that you have to work your way through - so right now I think I am on the Karate plateau. The funny thing is when I hit a weight loss plateau I feel like giving up, in fact often I do, but this Karate plateau seems more like a phase that I have to go through, but I dont have the urge to give up, I am just more determined to train harder and get over it. If only I could work through the weight loss like it was karate.
Thursday, October 6, 2005
New Look
After accidently finding a site with some templates for blogging I decided to try a new look. I like it. I downloaded the template from Caz, check out her blog here if you like it.
I have not gone through and finished updating the links and such as time is short today and it is First sons birthday. I still cant get me head around the fact that I am the mother of a ten year old boy! That makes me feel my age a little.
Had the conversation with the kids today, quite hilarious really, it came about quite by accident, and I found out that Number One Son, James, knows quite a bit more about how babies are made than I realised. DD, Jane, spied a box of tamp0ns sitting on the fridge and asked what that pink box was for, so I started the explaining about p3riods in the most simple manner I could. Jane is only seven so I did not think she needed much, part way through my explanation James chimes in about how babies grow from an egg and a sp3rm from the mum and the dad, you know the whole conception idea... thankfully no one asked exactly how the egg and the sp3rm got together as I dont think Jane or 3 year old Joan are quite ready for that explanation, but I do think I will need to talk to James in the near future to check out exactly how much he does know LOL.
James has two friends coming over for dinner tonight, then staying for a sleepove which should prove noisy, we got him a new bike for his birthday, but unfotunately the man about the house has not been about the house long enough to finish assembling the bike, so he wont be able to use it until the weekend. And dont think I am impressed with man not about the house, we have had the bike in the garage for over a week, but he is too caught up in his own concerns to spare a thought for any one else at the moment. I think he has definitely forgotten what it feels like to be ten and to have a birthday, I remember the excitement, when you did not have to patience to wait another week to be able to ride your new bike. I am V cranky with him right now, and not sure if I will be ready to forgive him in a short space of time.
The weekend camping trip was great, will post more about that later once I have some photos to go with it, the only sour point was after we came home, an argument, which is still unresolved three days later kind of took some of the shine off the weekend.
More later.
I have not gone through and finished updating the links and such as time is short today and it is First sons birthday. I still cant get me head around the fact that I am the mother of a ten year old boy! That makes me feel my age a little.
Had the conversation with the kids today, quite hilarious really, it came about quite by accident, and I found out that Number One Son, James, knows quite a bit more about how babies are made than I realised. DD, Jane, spied a box of tamp0ns sitting on the fridge and asked what that pink box was for, so I started the explaining about p3riods in the most simple manner I could. Jane is only seven so I did not think she needed much, part way through my explanation James chimes in about how babies grow from an egg and a sp3rm from the mum and the dad, you know the whole conception idea... thankfully no one asked exactly how the egg and the sp3rm got together as I dont think Jane or 3 year old Joan are quite ready for that explanation, but I do think I will need to talk to James in the near future to check out exactly how much he does know LOL.
James has two friends coming over for dinner tonight, then staying for a sleepove which should prove noisy, we got him a new bike for his birthday, but unfotunately the man about the house has not been about the house long enough to finish assembling the bike, so he wont be able to use it until the weekend. And dont think I am impressed with man not about the house, we have had the bike in the garage for over a week, but he is too caught up in his own concerns to spare a thought for any one else at the moment. I think he has definitely forgotten what it feels like to be ten and to have a birthday, I remember the excitement, when you did not have to patience to wait another week to be able to ride your new bike. I am V cranky with him right now, and not sure if I will be ready to forgive him in a short space of time.
The weekend camping trip was great, will post more about that later once I have some photos to go with it, the only sour point was after we came home, an argument, which is still unresolved three days later kind of took some of the shine off the weekend.
More later.
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