Am I INSANE?

Well after my last post about being disappointed with only losing 200g I kicked myself up the butt and told myself to stop acting like a child. After all -200g is still a LOSS!!! So I got on with the job of being an admirable weight watcher.

And I was doing a fantastic job! My eating totally rocked this week. Stuck to points every day, and I ate really healthy balanced food. Just so good. Plus I have exercised everyday too (pats self on back) good job :-))

Then today I went swimming. I have talked about swimming ever since my knee was healed enough to go in the water, but up until now thats all I have done, talk. Then I read that Dietgirl is going to learn to swim lessons, and she just purchased a new swimsuit, and she lives in Scotland (where it is colder in summer than it is here in winter lol)so if she can do it, so can I (not to mention that I have the biggest blog crush on DG, I think she's the best ;-) so I will imitate in the hopes of being as successful as DG lol)

Anyway I digress

So I went swimmming. Half an hour, the pool was uncrowded, temperature was great, so I just swam (slowly) for half an hour without stopping. I did two laps freestyle, two laps breaststroke over and over. The breaststroke was great because I could feel myself using muscles that I havent used since the knee incident. I was out of breath towards the end and painfully slow, Ian Thorpe need not fear me.

I went home feeling pretty good. Then I was starving, and instead of going straight for my lunch (it was 11.30) I had one of these.



And yes there are two in the pack, and yes I ATE BOTH OF THEM ARRRGGGHHH

And if that wasn't insane enough I went back for the other two pack in the freezer and ate both of them too. Then I demolished a packet of rice crackers, and the dumb thing is I dont really like rie crackers, they are a bit bland and boring, but I love the flavouring sprinkled on them. I feel very short changed when I open a pack and there isnt much flavouring. So I licked the flavouring off, then ate the boring bits that I dont really like, because well, its a bit nasty just to lick off the flavouring and leave nude crackers lying on the plate.

Then I lay on the lounge and fell asleep for over an hour and woke up feeling sick. I wonder why? Der.

So then even though I was feeling crap I had to walk to school to collect the kids because I needed to balance up some of my overeating.

So yes I am insane.

All that good work - dashed upon the unforgiving rocks of gluttony. I have enough points to allow me a small serve of chicken and steamed veggies for tea, which right now sounds like the best possible meal. I am over the rice crackers and ice cream for now, and I will still be within my points for the week, but I can see what a stupid way it was to do it. I have felt so good digestion wise while I have been eating healthy points, eating the same number of points of crap food just doesnt do it for me any more.

So I hang my head in shame at my lapse, but find hope in the fact that in the past I used to do this all the time, now it only happens every once in a while, I am learning from my mistakes.

Heres to a better day tomorrow :-)

Ta ta

Just a quickie

Good news on the scale front this morning

LOST 1.1KG this week.

Yay me! ;-)

PS yes I did walk the dog, then I came home and had a lovely long soak in the bath - niiiccce.

L F C

Last night I had a decision to make:

1. Lie on the couch with hot chocolate and ww cookie = Lazy fat chick
2. Take dog for walk in the dark = Lively fit chick

Guess which one I choose ;-D

Diamonds

This is the fourth time I have set about losing weight. By losing weight I mean more than a couple of kilos, there were plenty of times when I was younger and worked on losing 2kgs and thought that was weight loss, now I am facing 20kg.

In all of my past weight loss efforts I have been brimming over with motivation, excited at the thought of tracking, weighing, measuring, exercising etc. My last thoughts before falling asleep were about what I would eat tomorrow, and how many points I had used today. My first thoughts on waking revolved around what I would to that day to aid my weight loss efforts.

I was pretty selfish about my time too. Other things would fall by the wayside whilst I obsessed about every mouthful, and every weigh in. Then every time I stopped the obsessing, as I got closer to my goal weight I would slowly slip back into old habits. I can see now that the attitude I carried then was one of being on a diet, getting thin in the quickest possible time, then going about my merry way. Fact is that just doesnt work.

The real key lies in making changes to routines that become permanent changes, in adopting eating habits that are sustainable for life. I am finding these things hard to get really excited about. I love my food, I love my red wine, I dont particularly like exercising strenuously. God am I doomed to always be fat?!

My motivation is at an all time low. So I cant rely on motivation to get me though. I have alway lived on the outside of my skin, I react to things, I let my feelings get hurt, I respond with childlike joy to happy times, emotionally I have never really grown up. I am starting to realise that losing weight is a grown up thing, and its time for me to approach it in a more grown up way.

I want to lose weight, so I need to take the steps that will make this happen. That means I cant just do it when I feel motivated, or excited, I have to look impassionately at it and just do it because it needs to be done. I mean there are a hundred other things I do, not becasue I want to, but because I have to, like the dishes, the washing, the vacuuming, cleaning up the dog poop... the list goes on and on, so why not just add this to the list.

Track my food, not because its so exciting writing it all in a brand new tracker, and adding the points up and being childishly happy when I have done well. Track my food because it must be done. Exercise because it must be done. Make healthy choices most of the time because it must be done. I know it will take time, I am prepared for it this time, I wont be back in my skinny clothes in time for Summer, but I will be closer that I am now.

I read this quote today in an email from Sparkpeople

Trying and persevering but failing to see your goals realized can be frustrating. Margaret Thatcher once said "You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it," and she was absolutely right. You've got to believe that you will succeed! Never admit defeat as long as time and effort remain. Our greatest asset is patience; our greatest weakness is throwing in the towel. Banish discouragement and feelings of impossibility by working hard, doing more, and not giving in! A diamond was only made beautiful after hundreds of years as a lump of coal.

I have been a lump of coal for long enough, I am a diamond (I just need a bit of polishing)

Craft fair

Went to the Canberra Craft and Quilt fair yesterday. So much beautiful product, so much inspiration. Cant wait to get my current job out of the way so I can indulge in some scrapping.

Funny thing I had my first real life meet with another blogger. I recognised her face from her photo on her blog, and just went up and said hello. I didnt take any time to think about it or I probably wouldnt have because I wouldnt know what to say. Thankfully she was very sweet and didnt just turn and run away lol. Her name is Yvette and she does some beautiful scrapbooking, you can check her work out here.

Oh well off to do some more work, and try not to think about food.

;-)

Used to be so easy

God what has happened to me. Losing weight used to be so easy, and by that I mean I never had to police my hands every time they moved towards my mouth, didn't have to pat down my own pockets for suspicious packages containing high calorie contraband. At the moment I cant trust myself to look away for a second otherwise my hands might have shoved something more in my mouth without consulting my brain first.

I have never struggled with weight loss the way I seem to be right now. It was always a case of keeping track of my points, doing a little exercise and watching the scales go down. Sometimes the progress was slow, but it was still there.

These days I cant make myself do it properly. The week before last I struggled though but I did make it, and I lost 700g, this week I have been like a ravenous animal and unable to show even the slightest hint of self control, and I have gained back that 700g plus a little more.

Gots to get my head straight before I go completely off the rails. I am starting to wonder if I really want it enough? Gotta work out what is getting in my way.

BTW Congrats to Dietgirl, she's a seventies girl again, way to go!!